


I hear you screaming in the darkness

by Sarandom_8



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: #DEACOMEOUTOFTHECLOSET, #Deanyoubettergonnakisshimoncehe'sback, Bunker, Dead Castiel, I Had To, I'm italian but my beta is multilanguage, Led Zeppelin - Freeform, M/M, Mixtape, Pining Dean, cas and jimmy for life, cas deserve better, crowley deserved better, crying dead, dean is there and cas will be, lucifer has to die, post- season 12 finale, that's why we can't have nice things, why I let them burning him?!, why supernatural is so bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarandom_8/pseuds/Sarandom_8
Summary: I am very sentimental, I warn you. I tried to write Dean at his best, it's the first time I use the first person.I do not know what I would like to see in 13x01, but I would not mind this, even though Castiel does not deserve to be dead for too long.This starts by the black screen in the 12x23 with many flashbacks.





	I hear you screaming in the darkness

 

This can't be real, this can't have happened.  
Am I still here outside? Are mine those eyes that are still looking...  
«Dean, we need to go!»  
Sam, I can't.  
Why can't I hear my voice? I can't turn around. He holds me by the shoulders, I feel him while he lifts me.  
«Dean, come back here! Please.»  
Am I not already here? I see everything, what am I supposed to do?  
Finally he turns me and I can't see him, maybe it has never happened and I will see him standing, like I am now.  
«Look at me.» It's Sam. He grabs my face between his hands, I feel them, big and frantic. I think he's scared.  
«Jack is still here, he hasn't left. We must get an advantage from it.»  
Now my eyes are looking at the ground, they try to turn again, I have to check how he is now. Sam stops me. «You can't, let's go away.»  
What can't I? My eyes just want to do that, they're pushing me to go back there.  
Sam holds my harm and guides me to follow him, but I hear a whistle in my ears. My sight is faded and everything just becomes black.

*

Everything is happening too fast. Too many things.  
Are they my thoughts? Or someone else's ones?  
I see that bastard, we talk to him and then... we go there.  
Ah, yes... Crowley, damn.  
I feel the sweat on my skin, but I don't remember that it was so hot there.  
Cas! The heat gets bearable, there's no sweat now, I like the warm sensation on my chest- What are you doing? That wasn't the plan!

Cas, go back!

Why does Sam take me out?

I feel like I'm running for a marathon, but I'm not actually running, I'm standing and I'm waiting for him. Cas, where the fuck are you? 

My breath has accelerated, do you want to make me have a heart attack? Move!

A white light. It's him. 

There he is, maybe he did it, who knows? Both of them did it.

Finally I feel relieved ... wait, no ... no! ... NO!

*

I feel the sweat, I see the darkness, I got up.

I feel like I know where I am. I stretch my hand to my left, the click turns on the light. It's my room, when did we go back to the bunker?

My clothes are stuck on me, I put my hands on my face and I dry them on my wet hair. It was just a nightmare, but the images were real. 

I sit and I try to remember, but besides seeing him on the ground, there is nothing else.

I feel heavy, again, my legs do not follow anybody's orders and slide to the ground, I keep staring at that point, but here there is just a wall and in front there is a furniture.

The door opens and I see Sam.

He has something in his hand, but my sight is fooling me, it's like being underwater.

My throat burns and it's heavy too.

He sits next to me. "Keep it, drink it." I know he's giving me a cup, but I can not do anything. 

So he takes my hands and puts them around the hot container, the smell comes to my nostrils, it's tea.

He does not leave my hands and tries to stay close, I know.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

Why does he say that? Why does he make it become real?

"I was there." I hear my voice for the first time, after screaming 'NO!'. It's husky, like I haven't talked for days.

I cough.

"Drink. You slept for quite a while."

"How much?"

"Two days."

Two days?! I return to reality and I turn my head for the first time.

"Where's his body?" I think I'm scared and pissed off by what I hear.

"Dean ..." Sam's face is mortified, why? "I had to do it. We do not know where they end up... in order to not worsen things- " but he stops, because I felt it too, I felt something running down my face.

I have not seen his glistening eyes yet, he has turned towards the bed, he does not look at me while he says it. 

"I burned it."

He puts his head down and I look back at the wall, with a mechanical, inhuman gesture.

"Isn't there ... anything left?" My throat is hard and does not allow me to talk, I feel a sob.

"No personal objects... you know." Even his voice is almost nothing, but then he livens up a bit. "But Jack is with us, maybe he can do something. He can reopen the portal and bring mom here. "

"If she's still alive." It's me again, but I do not know how I can do this, my tone is even worse than before.

"There is Bobby, surely they are torturing him." he tries to minimize things.

"It was so close, Sam."

My fingers leave the warm grab and a plop of earthenware produces a sound in the room, but the cup is not broken, I see it, even if the liquid spreads on the floor.

"I was there, and I could do something." I hear more of those fuckin' tears that roll down my cheeks.

"We're talking about Lucifer ..."

Even just hearing his name makes me feel pissed off. 

"We did not do anything!" I'm out of my mind when I turn around staring at him, my eyes in his.

"So we would have died too. Now we have so many possibilities." Sam answers to my murderous look.

"Which ones? He's dead." That's right, now it's real.

It strikes me like a lightning at the center of my chest. I have to turn again because the pain is too much. Even when I saw the angelic sword pierce him and his grace explode; he had been able to look at us for one last time, then his heart stopped and I felt mine losing a few beats when I noticed the shape of his wings.

It had never happened until then, it meant that it was real.

It was all fucking real.

It was bad. And it hurt.

Some images flash through my mind and I live the moment again: I was kneeling, my hands touched the ground, one touched his unarmed thumb.

He did not breathe, but do angels breathe?

I remember thinking about it once, but in that case his heart continued to beat.

I put my hand on his, but it was too immobile, I went up to the forearm, touching the elbow, then the trench, that I squeezed around my fingers.

"Cas?" I could not produce an actual sound, my voice was broken.

"Cas, please." I shook his hand to make him move, but it was useless.

It usually did not use to take so long, or he just disappeared and I found him in another place.

"C-" I groaned, and I held up with my free arm, I looked up again, I also tried to pray, a gesture to the limit, but that other fucking father had done nothing.

"He gave us a hand, Dean. He can bring him back." Sam tries to keep persuading me to leave my room.

"He does not have a body anymore," I reply.

"He can find another one, the good thing is to be able to change." he answer, ready.

I turn around and I can not believe to hear those words.

"I do not want another body, Sam. It was not just a vessel. "

"Why not? What's the difference? He will always be Castiel." He's wonderfully surprised.

"I like that one. I want that one. "

"Dean ... it's not-"

"Do not tell me it's not possible! We've opened a fucking portal for another dimension!" I'm screaming now. "Do not tell me that it's not possible!"

Sam gets silent.

And I calm down, it's not his fault.

"I just did what we always do. It's for safety." he answers, after noticing that my anger is faded.

"I know." I admit.

"We'll do anything to get him back, but I can only promise you this."

"It took me years to trust. To trust that body, those expressions." With one hand I cover my eyes. "His voice, damn. His eyes were always so out of this world. I do not think I can accept another one." My throat tightens, but I finally feel my legs and I get up. I reach the door, but Sam sits, opens it and walks before I leave. "I want him back."

*

I head to the garage, I need my car, I need my place to stay alone for a while. But as soon as I turn on the light, I see something left of him.

The pickup is next to the Impala, they are so good next to each other, everything seems normal.

I approach and step a hand on the brown hood, I reach the door and open it and then go up. It's high and the seats are comfortable.

I only came in once when I had to use it because Kelly had stolen Baby.

I put down the parasol and the keys fall - I taught him to put them there.

I turn on the starter and the dashboard lightens up with the stereo, when I think about the moment he had given me back that mixtape... that same starts, it's it. It can be only it. Who knows how many songs he listened to, or if he just rewound the tape? 

I press play.

And I recognize the song, it is in the half, I remember every track's position in the playlist.

"You did not die. You're just waiting for me to find you as I always did. It's so simple." I stay on the seat, looking at the other cars. "We'll see each other again, maybe it will take a while, and then we can talk about everything. About everything you want. About everything we still have to say."

"So do not let her, Oh, get under your skin

It's just bad luck and trouble, from the day that you start

I hear you crying in the darkness, do not ask nobody's help

It does not have pockets full of mercy baby, because you can only blame yourself "

I feel the grin smile on my face, there's no more appropriate stanza than this one. I know he's out there, somewhere, I do not know if he will be weary or if he will find his strength to move on ... in whatever state he will be ...

«Cas...I am here.»


End file.
